Why We’re Here: Mothers View
Long, long ago in a land far away, in another time when I applied for college, my parents called the school they decided I should attend, requested a college catalog and an application. I was given the application and told to complete it. Later I was given the catalog so that I could figure out a major. I had attempted interjecting an opinion or two about where I would like to go and even sent for some catalogues and applications on my own. I would complete "my" applications and take them to my father to sign. He refused to consider the other schools for a variety of reasons: the girls who attended certain colleges were thought to be “fast,” the school was too far away and once he was even honest. One school was totally out of the question because too many of my friends were going to that school. He said it would turn out to be just one big party. That probably would have been true. So, despite my tearful protestations, “we” submitted one application to one school. That was the end of it. One application to one school is rare these days. Some parents I know have gotten by with two or three. However, I have read where some students have submitted between 15 and 35 applications. My son submitted about 20 applications. But, more about that later.
When I applied for college, most kids did not visit several schools to get a “feel” for whether or not they liked the school. Most did not lay eyes on their college choice until their parents deposited them on campus the day the dorms opened. I was probably one of a handful of the baby boomers I knew that got to visit several college campuses prior to applying. However, that was only because my father frequently had to attend meetings and seminars in our state and surrounding states. He would take me along and I would get to look around the campus while he was in meetings. As I reflect, the only point of him taking me to visit the different campuses was to reinforce the idea that I WAS GOING TO ATTEND A COLLEGE.
When my son began the application process in the beginning of his senior year, we had already visited the campuses of several schools, taken a number of virtual tours over the internet and received tons of solicited and unsolicited application materials, brochures, etc. Also, during my son’s junior year of high school, we had attended a lot of information sessions held by college admissions counselors from schools across the country where the admissions process, SAT scores, etc. were explained ad nauseam.
I thought I had had a pretty good handle on the situation. I also knew the difference between rolling admissions and regular admissions, and I knew all of the deadlines. We had started his college resume in his sophomore year. He was done with the SAT by the beginning of his senior year. He had taken all the right classes; he had quite a few AP exams under his belt and he had taken or made arrangements to take all the SAT II ( yes, for the unenlightened, there is an animal named the SAT II) subject tests he thought necessary. I thought we were ready for the process. I thought I had it all under control. All my son had to do was fill out the applications, write a few essays and get a couple of recommendation letters. His father and I would write checks for the application fees. We would mail the applications and wait….. How difficult could that be? Boy, was I in for a rude awakening!. It seemed that sometime while I was asleep in the castle, the whole college admissions process had changed and so had the stakes. It was an entirely different ball game. Little did I know that the college admissions process, from the first application submitted, to my son actually deciding where he was going to attend school would consume the next eight months of our lives.
During those eight months, I learned a lot about the sometimes Machiavellian machinations of the college admissions process. I learned to be patient. I came to realize that the college my son ultimately chose to attend was not gong to define his entire life or … mine. I discovered that I really could avoid being a “smother mother.” I began to trust my son’s decisions and his reasoning for choosing to seek admission to certain schools. I came to understand that he had to create his own roadmap and that my role was to be his occasional compass. My faith that God would have a hand in the decision convinced me that my son would end up at the college that was best for him.
As a parent who has gone through the sometimes very arduous college admissions process with my son and preparing to go through it again with my daughter in two years, I hope to offer some insight, encouragement and support to parents facing the now daunting task of assisting their child with the admissions process. Hopefully, through these postings you will not only learn more about the admissions process but how you, as a parent, can best support your child with the application and admissions process without losing your mind.
When I applied for college, most kids did not visit several schools to get a “feel” for whether or not they liked the school. Most did not lay eyes on their college choice until their parents deposited them on campus the day the dorms opened. I was probably one of a handful of the baby boomers I knew that got to visit several college campuses prior to applying. However, that was only because my father frequently had to attend meetings and seminars in our state and surrounding states. He would take me along and I would get to look around the campus while he was in meetings. As I reflect, the only point of him taking me to visit the different campuses was to reinforce the idea that I WAS GOING TO ATTEND A COLLEGE.
When my son began the application process in the beginning of his senior year, we had already visited the campuses of several schools, taken a number of virtual tours over the internet and received tons of solicited and unsolicited application materials, brochures, etc. Also, during my son’s junior year of high school, we had attended a lot of information sessions held by college admissions counselors from schools across the country where the admissions process, SAT scores, etc. were explained ad nauseam.
I thought I had had a pretty good handle on the situation. I also knew the difference between rolling admissions and regular admissions, and I knew all of the deadlines. We had started his college resume in his sophomore year. He was done with the SAT by the beginning of his senior year. He had taken all the right classes; he had quite a few AP exams under his belt and he had taken or made arrangements to take all the SAT II ( yes, for the unenlightened, there is an animal named the SAT II) subject tests he thought necessary. I thought we were ready for the process. I thought I had it all under control. All my son had to do was fill out the applications, write a few essays and get a couple of recommendation letters. His father and I would write checks for the application fees. We would mail the applications and wait….. How difficult could that be? Boy, was I in for a rude awakening!. It seemed that sometime while I was asleep in the castle, the whole college admissions process had changed and so had the stakes. It was an entirely different ball game. Little did I know that the college admissions process, from the first application submitted, to my son actually deciding where he was going to attend school would consume the next eight months of our lives.
During those eight months, I learned a lot about the sometimes Machiavellian machinations of the college admissions process. I learned to be patient. I came to realize that the college my son ultimately chose to attend was not gong to define his entire life or … mine. I discovered that I really could avoid being a “smother mother.” I began to trust my son’s decisions and his reasoning for choosing to seek admission to certain schools. I came to understand that he had to create his own roadmap and that my role was to be his occasional compass. My faith that God would have a hand in the decision convinced me that my son would end up at the college that was best for him.
As a parent who has gone through the sometimes very arduous college admissions process with my son and preparing to go through it again with my daughter in two years, I hope to offer some insight, encouragement and support to parents facing the now daunting task of assisting their child with the admissions process. Hopefully, through these postings you will not only learn more about the admissions process but how you, as a parent, can best support your child with the application and admissions process without losing your mind.
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